therealshard

I think.

Dune. Is. Damn. Cool.

I only read two pages about two things maybe I’m a geek I don’t care this ends after exams woohooooooo

Please don’t, its not nice and I don’t want you to catch any of the neggivism.

I’m not worth anything much. I make people laugh and whatever, but you move on after that. Like I’m a toy.

I haven’t got anything people need, or that can benefit people. Worthless, kinda.

I’m so good at making things look good that a lot of people may be under the impression that I’m gonna make it big, or that I’m some genius waiting for his shot at glory. I’m not a genius, I’m not amazing, I’m just full of lies.

A lot of times I truly wonder if I’ll achieve my dreams. I dream very big, maybe too big. The end results are always imaginable, but when it comes to the process, I’m stuck.

I haven’t got the drive to push myself hard even if it is to complete the most important thing in the world. I won’t go anywhere like that.

I don’t wanna confide a lot in my friends because they’re happy, and they’ve found their balance and what works for them. I don’t want to destroy that, and I know I will if I go to them. Unhappiness spreads, and whoever the hell said its better spread amongst many shoulders, is half full of shit. My friends can’t solve my problems, they’ll just try to offer comforting words, but its all up to me in the end.

Besides that, I don’t wanna make them worry about anything, or have to spend precious time on me. I’m not worth it.

My faith must be weak because I’m scared shit of simple things like the damn Merlion’s eyes. The scariest place I can be now: a very colourful and bright room, maybe with eyes everywhere, all over even the floor. And its wet, maybe less than a cm of water. Sounds would be great. For no reason anyone can understand I’ll crouch and cover my ears and shut my eyes tight, scream till there’s no more air and hopefully collapse.

I’m insecure about my body.

Even more so about my face.

It takes the sight of someone worse off for me to be thankful for what I have.

It really hurts me when people make fun of me, like how they like to make fun of my face. Partly because I’m insecure, partly because they don’t say when I ask; they’ll sugarcoat or skim the bad bits, instead choosing to reveal their true thoughts through ‘jokes’.

I want to know what I look like cos right now I’m convinced I don’t look good. That doesn’t sound good… Well sometimes at least.

It seems that you’re not my friend, just not my enemy. I’d leave you in a heartbeat just the same as I’d sincerely help you, do you like that?

As much as it seems I love my family, I spend a lot of time hating them. I don’t know why and it disgusts me. But it starts from the moment I get home, I can sense the change. I don’t like the scent of my house, the sounds, the everything, I don’t know…

Nothing bipolar, just a smile outside while everything else is kept inside.

Which contradicts myself as a person. A nice flashy box full of nothing.

These thoughts are always with me, its just that when I feel good I suppress them. Its bad right? Why do I entertain them so much.

I can ignore things very well. I sometimes use this to cheat myself.

Sometimes I half-cheat people into thinking I’m working, because otherwise they might get upset. I then convince myself that it was okey.

A part of me wishes my loved ones would give up hope in me and my coming examination, because I don’t want to see the disappointment on their faces.

I haven’t done any work I wanna sleep.